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Rae's Latest

Filtering by Tag: Time

Endless - The Torture of "Tick Tock, Tick Tock"

Rae Hering

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/110911238" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /] I’m angry with my 22 year-old self.  She was aimless and flippantly said things like “it will all work out somehow.”  I bitterly ask her what the HOW part of ‘somehow’ was.  She would daydream in her music business classes and ignore songwriting for other petty projects that sidetracked her.  I want to scream at her, “what were you thinking!?”  I’ve imagined an unhealthy amount of times how it could have been if she hadn’t wasted so many precious years.

“Youth is wasted on the young” – George Bernard Shaw

The 22 year old Me.
The 22 year old Me.

I haven’t been able to forgive that lost 22-year old girl yet.  This game of mental torment is a poor placeholder for forgiveness, but I keep coming back to it.  I bang my head against the fact that I can’t go back and do things differently.  It’s a familiar story – I’m sure many of you can relate.

I spent my younger years being clueless in my music career endeavors.  I regret this tremendously.  I stayed in relationships that were not conducive to pursuing making a living with my music.  I maintained the belief that it would all fall into my lap.  I chose to pointlessly drink with friends at the bar more nights than I stayed home to work on songwriting.

If you ever argue with yourself to no avail, if you’ve found yourself defending your regrets and obsessing over your loses, if you can’t stop seeing life as a series of mazes and dead ends, then this song, “Endless,” is for you.

I wrote “Endless” as a sort of letter to myself.  Through the writing process, I acknowledge my hurt, even though it is self-inflicted.  I assure myself in full conviction that my Spirit extends much further than the narrow field I draw myself into.  I tell myself that I am Endless, so I shouldn’t stop here, much less wallow in a pity party.

As of right now, the pity parties still happen once in awhile.  Last Friday I found myself stifling tears in the corner of the bathroom stall at Jed’s Sports Bar and Grille in Nashville.

Jonathan and I at Jed's in Nashville, TN.
Jonathan and I at Jed's in Nashville, TN.

I’ve been going there every week to play and get my music out there, but still, my negative thoughts were on repeat (…I’ve wasted so much time, so much TIME, all gone, wasted, wasted, WASTED! )

I went back to my seat to find my fiancé, Jonathan, who knows I struggle with this regret.  I am thankful for having someone like Jonathan in my life to remind me that my thoughts are hurtful to myself.  To remind me that I lead a good life, and that everything is as it should be.  It takes a lot of reminding, but I do believe this.  When I sing “Endless,” not only am I singing it for the audience but for myself.

(FYI: The recording of "Endless" included in this blog post is an un-finalized version I'm making for my new EP entitled "The Shy Gemini Sessions."  I'm shooting to be finished with the project early 2014).

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/110911238" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]

Behind the Song: Ethereal Convention - Narrowly Avoiding a Car Crash

Rae Hering

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/78345320" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]

I was driving 45 mph on the busy street when a woman pulled out in front of me.  I slammed on my brakes, narrowly missing T-boning her car.  Here’s the weird part: I knew this event was going to happen hours beforehand.

It was just another day of teaching piano lessons, except for the fact that I knew that something big was going to happen in my life.  It was an intuition.  The space in which I existed felt different.  I felt the urge to prepare myself.  I kept imagining a car crash.  Something inside me told me to be vigilant, to BE PREPARED.  That day, I decided I would be extra careful as I drove from lesson to lesson.

We are grounded human beings with limitations.  We become complacent to run the same track we’ve tread for so long.  But underneath our routines and self-inflicted boundaries, we long to have a connection with the heavenly wave lengths just beyond our grasp of understanding.  Once in a while, an event happens that wakes us up.  That says, Yes! we are more than just a body running a course.  We are spiritual beings with a connection to a greater source!

My spiritual intuition saved me and the other driver from physical injury, damage to our cars, and possibly even our lives.  After avoiding the crash, relief obviously overwhelmed me.  Then, disbelief that my intuition actually became a reality.  There was no logical reason for me to know that this was going to happen.  I surpassed the laws of space and time dictating the order of events.  I was allowed passage into information that was not rightfully mine to know, at least according to the idea of linear thought.

I wrote “Ethereal Convention” six years ago.  It’s a song about longing to have a connection to the ethereal – a transcendence where space and time don’t follow the same rules with which we are familiar.  It’s a song about feeling the burden of our limited scope as humans, and it’s about getting a glimpse into this spiritual ecstasy or, as I refer to it in my song, a glimpse into the “ethereal convention.”  After my intuition experience, this song has taken on a much deeper meaning.  There’s a place for all of us at the ethereal convention.  We get small glimpses of it every once in a while.  And when that does happen, “the certainty’s serene, somewhat sobering, but mostly somewhere in between.”

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/78345320" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]